I most certainly want to feel delighted with myself, duly exalted by myself, enjoyed by myself, and free and authoritative over my domain. Especially after years of the opposite feeling, that of slavishness. But those things combine together as a to something much more than just a feeling or affirmations, a complex affect, a combinations satisfactions but also new desires, religious-like intuitions on myself and other things, physical sensations… When experienced one may call it a level of grace. It is that grace, not mere feelings, that I deeply crave.